Helping Kids Navigate Big Feelings and Emotions
By Elissa Cirignotta
We live in a society that is obsessed with putting things in boxes and creating labels for each of those boxes. We want things to make sense and be orderly. The truth of the matter is, feelings are super MESSY and it can be really challenging to distinguish what exactly is going on. ESPECIALLY in little bodies. Something I’ve consciously tried to do with my students and now my own child is to demonstrate that within ourselves we have the capacity for a wide range of emotions. All of these big feelings that come and go live within us. They don’t define us however they most certainly are a part of us and a part of how we experience the world.
I’d like to think that happiness is our true natural state. I suppose I’d like to even consider it our baseline. Many emotions are reactions. Fear is a reaction to our safety being threatened in some way. Sadness is a reaction to loss or disappointment. Anger could be a reaction to feeling like your needs aren’t being met. In any given day your child could feel 8-20 different emotions. By simply observing what your child is feeling and then commenting on it in a nonjudgmental and accepting way we help teach them to identify these emotions in themselves.
For Example:
"Your shoulders are hunched over and I see that you are crying. You look like you might be sad.”
“You're jumping up and down and talking loudly! You must be excited!”
“I understand. You feel safer when I tell you in advance what our plans are.”
“You look confused. Can I help you?”
“I hear you! You would rather not eat the __________ for dinner.”
Recognizing and acknowledging a spectrum of emotions is the first step in learning how to manage them.
As kids begin to distinguish what it is they might be feeling it will become easier to navigate that particular emotion.
Once you feel like your child has developed a good understanding of a spectrum of emotions try using the prompt, “When I feel _________ I need __________.” I would go so far as to write it down and post it in a common area. We have this written in my son’s play space. As you’re moving through your day take time to discuss a variety of feelings and emotions. This will help immensely when you’re in the middle of a BIG EMOTION. It’s very empowering to know what you need to do to help yourself feel better. This gives your child tangible tools and you, a deeper understanding of your child’s needs.
Additional resources:
1. Make an Emotions Wheel with your kids.
2. Create a DIY Emotions Game.
3. Develop vocabulary around their emotions with this Art Activity.
Throughout the next several weeks try this activity:
Pick an emotion (not limited to the following list) and have your child make a face that shows this emotion, then either verbally or in writing describe how their body feels when they feel this emotion and then recount a time that they felt this way.
Todd Parr Feelings Cards come in handy for this activity!
Happy
Sad
Angry
Disgust
Scared
Worried
Anxious
Joy
Excited
Jealous
Proud
Loved
Bored
Annoyed
Nervous
Peaceful
Mad
Here’s a Positive Thinking Guided Relaxation to try at home:
Have kids lie down in a comfortable position. Spray the bottom of their feet with a lavender spray or apply a bit of diluted lavender to their wrists or ankles.
Relax your feet, and take a big deep breath.
Relax your hands, and take a big deep breath.
Open your jaw, and take a big deep breath.
Let your shoulders relax, and take a big deep breath.
Feel your belly rise and fall with every breath you take.
(Wait for 5 quiet belly breaths)
As your child begins to relax ask them to quietly repeat the affirmations to themselves (Silently in their mind)
I love myself just the way I am.
I am beautiful.
I am unique.
My body is healthy and strong.
My mind is brilliant and creative.
My heart is kind and at peace.
I am Happy Being Me.
I deserve to be happy.
Book Lists:
1. Is a Worry Worrying You? By Ferida Wolff
2. Brave as can be, by Jo Witek
3. The Way I Feel, by Janan Cain
4. When I Feel Scared (Way I Feel Books), by Albert Whitman & Co
5. The Dark, by Lemony Snicket
6. The Feelings Book, by Todd Parr
7. The Color Monster, by Anna Llenas
8. In My Heart: A Book of Feelings, by Jo Witek
9. Brave as a Mountain Lion, by Ann Herbert Scott
10. There's an Alligator Under My Bed, by Mercer Mayer
11. Curious George Goes to the Hospital, by Margret Rey and H. A. Rey
12. The Owl Who Was Afraid of the Dark, by Jill Tomlinson
13. First Day Jitters, by Julie Danneberg
14. Badger's Parting Gifts, by Susan Varley
15. The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything, by Linda D. Williams
16. My Friend is Sad (An Elephant and Piggie Book) by Mo Willems
17. When Sadness is at Your Door by Eva Eland
18. How to take the Grrr out of Anger, Elizabeth Verdick
19. Benny’s Hat by Juliet Clare Bell
20. Sad Isn't Bad: A Good-grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss by Michaelene Mundy, R. W. Alley
21. Cool Down and Work through Anger, Cheri J Meiners M.Ed
22. When I Feel Angry, by Cornelia Maude Spelman
23. When Sophie gets Angry-Really Really Angry, by Molly Bang
24. Llama Llama Mad at Mama, by Anna Dewdney
25. Happy Hippo, Angry Duck, by Sandra Boyton
26. Zach Gets Frustrated, by William Muchahy
Feeling like your thoughts are negative? Try using these Affirmations throughout your week!
I am BRAVE.
I am learning.
I can do Hard things.
I can do GREAT things!
I always try my best.
I stay calm in scary situations.
I am grateful for all the things I feel.
I am grateful for all my emotions.
Sun Salutations:
Keep those bodies moving!
Use traditional Sun Salutations as an opportunity to thank the Sun, the Moon, and all of nature while moving and empowering your bodies. Practice moving your body with the breath while offering kind words to yourselves, each other, and to the Sun.
The poses are linked in a series and used to lengthen, strengthen, flex, and extend many of the main muscles of the body… while helping to circulate energy and oxygen throughout the body.
This is a great graphic to use to help guide you through your Salutations.